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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008270">What a Jerk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14'>Taybay14</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>14 Days of Destiel Valentine's [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A cupid singing Elvis songs, Benny Lafitte Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Benny Lafitte being a little shit, Castiel Novak going crazy, Cranky Castiel, Dean Winchester being a little shit, Fluff, Funny, Happy Ending, M/M, Romantic Dean Winchester, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:08:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Valentine's Day. </p><p>For Castiel and Dean, that means war.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>14 Days of Destiel Valentine's [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621864</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What a Jerk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey all! I've been juggling a terribly messy life lately. I know I haven't posted much lately. I want you to know that I appreciate the hell out of all of you &amp; even though I failed at doing the 14 days of Destiel Valentine's I had planned on doing, I wrote quite a few of them anyway so I might as well share. Better late than never, right? (; &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What a <em>jerk</em>," Castiel grumbles, closing the door as the delivery man leaves. </p><p></p><div class="sc-1di2uql-0 gOBnHr sc-1sp3zau-0 kMxBKy">
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Who?" Benny asks from his spot on the couch a few feet away. He turns to look at Castiel, more words about to come out. Then he sees the giant bouquet of flowers in Castiel's hands and grins. "Oh. Dean." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Stop smiling. He's an asshole." Castiel storms off to the kitchen. Since his penthouse apartment is an open-floor plan, though, he doesn't escape Benny. He just gets his bitch face from a new angle. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Yes," Benny says sarcastically. "What an asshole for buying you flowers."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel huffs as he searches for a stupid vase for the stupid flowers. "I told him not to do this." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Yeah, bad idea. Telling Dean not to do something is pretty much the equivalent of challenging him to a duel." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>There's a dusty vase beneath the sink. Castiel takes it out and fills it with water, not bothering to clean it first. When it's filled enough for the flowers to survive - because Castiel isn't a monster, he's not going to purposely kill beautiful flowers - he stuffs the bouquet into the vase. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"There." He sets the vase on his kitchen island and breathes a sigh of relief. "At least it's over now. Right?"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Benny snorts. "Dude, it's 8 AM. There's no way that's all he has planned for the day."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"You work for me, ya know," Castiel says in a voice that's supposed to be threatening but isn't. "You have to take my side."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"I'm your bodyguard. I keep you safe from bullets and kidnappers. Not overbearing lovers."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel sighs in frustration. He pulls out his phone and very aggressively types in Dean Winchester's number. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean answers almost instantly. Clearly, he had been waiting for this call. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Hey, C-"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"This stupid romantic nonsense is a waste of money and I swear Dean Winchester if you get me any more presents today I'm going to break up with your stupid ass!"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"So you got the flowers," Dean says with a smile in his voice. "Good. You should get ready for work, my love. Don't want to be late."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Don't ignore me, Dean! You promised. You promised not to do this!" </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"No. You <em>ordered</em> me not to do this. I never <em>agreed</em>." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Dean-"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Have a nice day, babe. I'm sure I'll be hearing from you soon." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Dean!"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Oh, and Cas?" </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel grits his teeth, fuming. "What?"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Happy Valentine's Day." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel growls - yes, growls - and hangs up. He throws his hands in the air and turns to Benny. "What a jerk!" </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>---- </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>When Castiel stops at his favorite coffee shop for his usual morning Americano with cinnamon, the barista already has his order ready. It has a message written on it in Dean's hand writing, black sharpie scrawling its way across the disposable cup. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p><em> <strong>You are so </strong> </em> <strong>brew</strong> <em> <strong>tiful. I love you like I love my coffee - inside me (; </strong> </em></p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel rolls his eyes. "What a jerk."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Sorry?" the barista says in confusion. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"He's a jerk." Castiel grabs a disposable cup from the stack beside the register. He pops the top off the one Dean wrote on and pours his coffee into the fresh, non-Valentine cup. Then he tosses the graffitied cup and nods at the barista. "Have a good one."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Uh… yeah." The barista watches him go, looking crestfallen. Clearly she had found it romantic. <em>Disgusting.</em> "You too." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>----</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Another bouquet of flowers is waiting for Castiel when he enters his private office. He glares at it from the doorway for a long moment before huffing in annoyance, going over and grabbing the damn thing. Still dressed in his trench coat, still with his briefcase in his left hand, Castiel walks down to the bull-pen and lifts the vase in the air. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Who fucked up today and needs a Valentine's Day present for their significant other?" he yells, his anger making most of his employees shiver or tense up. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>It takes a second but then a woman in the back tentatively raises her hand. Charlie. She's dating Dorothy from accounting. They're a cute couple. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"They're yours," he announces, thrusting them out in the air to silently tell her to come get them. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Blushing, she makes her way to Castiel. She mumbles something about not <em>forgetting</em> but running out of time this morning. Castiel couldn't care less whether Charlie forgot or not. He just doesn't want to stare at the damn flowers all day. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Once they're out of his hands, Castiel waves a hand in the air and says, "As you were." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Benny is smirking when Castiel gets back to his office. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"What's so funny?" Castiel asks in a voice that's <em>supposed </em>to be threatening but just makes Benny's lips lift higher. "<em>What?</em>"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"I'm assuming you didn't see the box of chocolates." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel parts his lips, about to ask what Benny means, when he sees a heart-shaped box beside where the flowers had been. He deflates. Goes over to his chair. Slumps down. Sighs dramatically. Then he takes the box and reads the attached note. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p><em>Life was like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're gonna get. </em>- damn glad I got you, babe ♡</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"What a jerk," Castiel growls at the box. He rips the lid off and snatches a piece of chocolate before pushing it toward Benny. "Stop fucking smiling and eat. And don't tell him I ate any of it. That asshole <em>knows </em>I can't resist chocolate so you have to <em>lie.</em>"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Sure thing boss," Benny says with a wink. "Sure thing."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>---- </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Are you Castiel?" a man dressed in a cupid costume asks. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel shakes his head. "Nope." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Unfortunately, he's in the breakroom at work and his employees think this whole battle between Dean and him is hilarious. Balthazar says, "He's lying" at the same time Chuck says, "He's Castiel." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel decides he's going to fire them both.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The cupid smirks and turns to Castiel. Castiel puts a hand up in protest. "Whatever it is, I don't want-"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <blockquote>
    <p>"<em>Lord Almighty,</em></p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>I feel my temperature rising</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Higher higher</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>It's burning through to my soul</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Boy, boy, boy,</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>You gonna set me on fire</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>My brain is flaming</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>I don't know which way to go</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Your kisses lift me higher</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Like the sweet song of a choir</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>You light my morning sky</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>With burning love"</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Nope," Castiel mumbles under his breath, grabbing his lunch and heading out the door. "Nope, nope, nope." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The damn telegram <em>follows</em> him. Everyone in the office stares, their jaws dropped open as the goddamn CEO is followed around by a glittery man dressed as cupid singing an Elvis song. Castiel isn't even embarrassed. He's just pissed. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel enters his office and shoots a glare at Benny who had <em>conveniently</em> been gone to the bathroom when this all went down but is now back at his rightful place by Castiel's side. "Make him leave."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>"It's coming closer</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>The flames are now lickin' my body</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Please won't you help me-"</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Why? He isn't a threat." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"He has a weapon!"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"It's a plastic bow, boss."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>"And my chest is a-heaving</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Lord Almighty</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>I'm burning a hole where I lay."</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"I own this goddamn building and I'm telling you, head of my security, to kick him out!"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Benny gives him a wry smile. "I'll get right on it, boss. Highest priority." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>"Cause your kisses lift me higher</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Like the sweet song of a choir-"</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"You're fired."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Oh, well, in that case I suppose he'll get to stay."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>"Ah, ah, burning love</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love."</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel grabs his office phone and presses 7, gritting his teeth. With every ring that passes, his rage boils. He's a breath away from exploding. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Singer's Auto, this is Dean." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel slams a finger down on speaker phone and turns to glare at cupid as he finishes the damn song. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>"Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <blockquote>
    <p>
      <em>Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love."</em>
    </p>
  </blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Finally, it's over. Cupid winks at him before leaving. Benny smirks. Dean - the jerk that he is - is laughing hysterically on the other line. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"I hate you," Castiel states very matter-of-factly.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Oh come on!" Dean snorts a laugh. "It's Elvis! You love Elvis!"</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Not anymore! Congratulations, Winchester. You have officially ruined Elvis for me." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean laughs harder. "God, I love you babe."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"Gaaaah, no!" Castiel hangs up the call before Dean can use his mystical powers to sweet talk Castiel into forgiving him. It ain't happening. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel bangs his forehead against his desk a few times before deflating against it. "What a jerk."</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>---- </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel walks into the first jewelry store he comes across. He storms past all of the stupid Valentine's decorations and up to a young man in a sharp suit who is smiling far too wide if you ask Castiel's opinion. Castiel smacks the palm of his hand on the glass display in front of the man and growls, "I need a goddamn engagement ring." </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>---- </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>A ring box heavy in his pocket, Castiel stands outside Dean's small two-bedroom house. The yellow paint is peeling back in places, revealing the blue beneath. They come from two completely different worlds. Dean, the eldest son who sacrificed everything he had to raise his baby brother, dropping out of high school, working two jobs, scraping his father off whatever bar floor or sidewalk he ended up on most nights. Castiel, the eldest son who had the world handed to him, private prep school, undergrad at an Ivy league, two master degrees, no student loan debt, a $100,000 no-strings gift from his father to start up his own company. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean lives in a house that was foreclosed and rotting on the inside. He’s owned it for three years now. The floors and roof have been replaced. The staircase rebuilt. The walls repainted. The kitchen remodeled. The bathroom gutted. All Dean’s doing since he couldn’t afford to hire contractors. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel lives in a penthouse apartment in a building that’s only seven years old. He got to pick in a catalogue what model of every room he preferred. Professionals molded his home into exactly what he wanted it to be in two weeks, handing it to him furnished and beautiful. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean works 60 hour weeks at his uncle’s auto shop, always smelling of oil and sweat. He drinks Jack Daniels. Listens to classic rock. Wears stained jeans and cotton shirts so worn they have holes in the collars and become see-through in certain lighting. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel works 80 hour weeks, but only 30 of them are spent in the office, the rest spent on his phone or at his home so he can lounge on his couch and peruse documents without worrying about employees bothering him. He’s currently working through a bottle of 1926 Macallan. He listens to classical music, as well as plays it himself on his own grand piano that overlooks the city. Wears tailored Brioni suits and silk ties to work, settling for Gucci denim pants and cashmere sweaters when he's casual. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>They should have never even met. Castiel would never take his car to a low-grade dealership like Singers. Never. You just don’t do that. Castiel was sure they wouldn’t even know what to do with a custom built Tesla like his. Yet, there Castiel was, broken down outside of the city with a migraine the size of Texas and stubborn impatience that made waiting for the professionals from the dealership that would take 3 hours a choice he wasn’t willing to make. So, he typed in auto shops on google and picked the one nearest to him. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Singers Auto. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean had showed up all southern drawl and warm smiles. Flirted right past Castiel’s foul mood. Stroked the hood of his Tesla like it was a cherished pet. Spoke to Castiel confidently about his knowledge on the vehicle. He offered to tow it into the city for Castiel if Castiel wanted but assured Castiel that if he chose to let Dean bring it to Singer's Auto, Dean would be able to take care of it. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Easy fix,” Dean had said. “In and out. Twenty minutes.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel had agreed. It was completely out of character but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted more time with the mechanic. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He left that day with a fixed car and Dean Winchester’s number. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>They never once brought up the salary gap between them. Some nights they’d crash at Castiel’s. Some nights at Dean’s. They’d go to five-star restaurants and gorge on filet mignon and lobster. They’d go to McDonalds and demolish burgers and chocolate milkshakes. Neither of them so much as blink. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel smiles to himself as he looks at the house again. Where will they live? Castiel could care less, if he’s being honest. He’ll move here if Dean wants. He can deal with the furnace that needs to be kicked every few days as a reminder to work again. He can deal with the pipes that always freeze in the winter. He can deal with the way the fifth step creaks because Dean messed up when building the staircase. As long as he has Dean Winchester, he has <em>everything</em>. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“The hell you doin’ out here?” Dean yells from the front porch, snapping Castiel from his thoughts. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The ring box in his pocket grows hot in anticipation.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“It’s Valentine’s Day!” Castiel yells back, casually walking across the street from where he parked. “I figured if you’re going to insist on celebrating the idiotic holiday, I might as well win by outdoing you.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Oh, really?” Dean huffs a laugh, taking the porch steps two at a time until he’s on the grass of his front lawn. “How do you expect to do that?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel stops when he’s on the sidewalk, about five or so feet between them. He gives Dean a cocky grin that makes Dean’s smirk fall just an inch. Dean Winchester doesn’t like to lose at things - especially all of these silly competitions they get themselves into. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>How long can they go without having sex or masturbating, and who will break first and beg the other to fuck him?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Who can eat the most pie in one sitting?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Which one can buy the best Christmas gift?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Who can win the most tickets at the arcade?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>How long can they keep their prank war going, and who will be the one to finally throw in the towel when it goes too far? </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Who can scare the other badly enough to make them scream?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Which one of them will win the cheesy romantic award of Valentine’s Day 2020. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel won the 1st, 3rd, and 6th. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean won the 2nd and 4th. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Neither have won the prank war bet - it’s still on-going. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>But Castiel Novak is going to win this damn Valentine’s Day award. If Dean wants to play this game today, it’s on. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Cas-”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Dean Winchester,” Castiel says softly, in a voice sickly sweet and loving. He lowers himself to one knee and reaches into his pocket. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Dean’s eyes flare with rage. “No! Don’t you dare!”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“You’re the love of my life-”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Stop!”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I can’t imagine any possible future that doesn’t have you in it-”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“I hate you so much right now,” Dean chokes out, eyes welling up. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Castiel smirks and opens the ring box. “Will you marry me?”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“No,” Dean grumbles with a pouty look on his face. Then he growls low in his throat and shakes his arms like a toddler on the verge of a tantrum. “Fuck - fine! Yes. I’ll marry you.”</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Grinning, partly because the love of his life just agreed to marry him but mostly because instead of Dean evening the score Castiel is now 2 points ahead, Castiel pushes to his feet and slips the ring on Dean’s finger. He tugs Dean into his arms and kisses him breathless. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Proposed to me on Valentine’s Day,” Dean says with an incredulous huff, resting his head on Castiel's shoulder and hugging him. “What a jerk.” </p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follow me on tumblr @ destiel-love-forever!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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